Boredom-Induced Humiliation

As you could probably all recollect for at least a few more days or at the very least ascertain by looking at a calendar, it is Friday.  However, I’m going to state that for the record–and so you don’t have to look at a calendar before finishing the rest of my post should you read it at some later date.  When I got home from work tonight, my Friday night plans were rather scarce.  In fact, they didn’t exist.  I toyed with the idea of cooking and eating the pizza that is in my freezer, but in view of the fact that I ate nearly my body weight in chips and salsa as an after-work snack, I decided that it was not in my best interest to eat pizza tonight.  So I ate a quesadilla instead, which kind of hit the spot.  I was imagining what there might be to do in this small town on an average Friday evening.  They do have a movie theatre and as I drove past the other day I thought I saw that the current attraction was Mama Mia.  I drove on past without thinking much about it.  I had really wanted to go see Wall-E when it was in town last weekend, but managed to be pathetic and work or clean or something else and never actually made it there.  Prospects weren’t looking good and I actually hoped that the poster for Mama Mia was for next weekend and to be surprised by what was playing tonight.  But, it was true; the screen was reserved for Mama Mia.  So, I thought I’d at least follow the link to the page showing the trailer.  Well, I do like musicals and it looked kind of funny and I love Meryl Streep so I thought:  “What else have you got to do?  You have no friends other than your cats.  (A well-timed “oh…” would be appropriately placed here…) You haven’t joined netflix yet and you’ve watched all 10 of the movies you own within the last three weeks.  You have no library books to read; you cleaned the house last night; and it’s still too hot to go for a long bike ride; and your brain is too fried to accomplish anything at work.  So…  What the heck?”  I almost talked myself out of it because it is such a chick flick and I definitely did not have a date–nor could I take my Mom, sister or friend that is a girl.  Have to phrase that carefully–wouldn’t want anyone to have a stroke thinking that I actually had a girlfriend…  You see men can deny liking chick flicks, but still go if they have a woman to take along.  This way they don’t have to admit that they like the show, they just say that they went because of the woman.  It’s a pride thing. 

So I was playing the piano and deciding what to do and thought that I’d brave it.  When I rode up to the theatre on my bike some Jr. High girls were outside and I almost rode on past without stopping, but the prospect of sitting at home with my cats all night was good motivation.  My cats are very good company, but not very socially engaging and I was feeling pretty cagey.  Well, I went in the theatre and looked around for other males.  There were a couple of guys in there.  One with his daughters, one with his girlfriend and another with his sweetheart of many years.  I think that was it–3 other males and they had their chick flick scapegoats with them.  This was not helping me feel more secure.  But, I bought a ticket for myself.  Tickets are half as much here as they were in Bozeman so I almost bought 2 just so it didn’t look like a man was attending Mama Mia by himself voluntarily.  But, money is tight and I am trying to be frugal.  The cashier was put out by my paying for my $4 movie ticket with a $20 and at first I thought it was because she was running out of change.  (In my defense, I didn’t know how much movies here cost, but they were $8.25 in Bozeman and I hate carrying a wallet around in my back pocket so I stuffed a $20 in my pants pocket and took off).  Upon further reflection, I couldn’t tell whether she was more perplexed by counting the change or by the potential lack of it.  The drawer seemed well-stocked to me…  Anyway, I sit down and anxiously await the dimming of the lights–the sooner, the better.  I figure that from what I have heard the few places I’ve gone, everyone in town has seen my picture in the local paper and they all know who I am and what I’m doing in town, while I have no idea who any of them are.  Down go the lights and on come the previews.  I can finally relax and, hopefully, enjoy the show.  The music was fantastic although I had a hard time taking Pierce Brosnan seriously when he was singing.  There was a strong element of humor and I ended up laughing a lot.  I could have done without the one guy “finding his true self” at the end, but it was a happily ever after and, what can I say, I don’t watch movies to see how real and cruel life is.  I get enough of that every day when I watch the news or watch the world go by.  I watch movies to check out of reality and am completely ok with a fairy tale ending.  Don’t get me wrong.  A movie does not have to end happily for me to like it, but a majority of the movies I like end happily ever after.  My friend always says that I’m such a little girl.  Whatever… 

Anyway at the end of the movie, the lights come up before the credits have barely begun to roll.  I start squirming, but Donna and the Dynamos are singing at the end and then all the cast comes on for one last number.  So, I stay and rock out to “Dancing Queen” and whatever the other song was.  I get up to leave and when I turn around, there are like 20 old ladies in the rows behind me in the threatre.  I completely avoid eye contact and walk straight for the exit.  But, a woman is standing by the door.  She just smiles one of those smiles that says:  “You’re a pedophile aren’t you?  But, I’m a Christian woman and am going to smile and say hi to you anyway.  I’ll just tell my kids tonight to look out for you and warn the other ladies when we go walking in the morning so that they can tell their kids.  The school board meeting is tomorrow night, I’ll be sure to attend this week.”  Perhaps that’s not what she was thinking at all; I have no idea, but I ALMOST DIED!  I’m a little weird of course, but I’m no freak show.  I hurried out of the lobby, got on my bike and hit the road for home.  What a humiliating evening!  I still liked the movie, but was completely and totally embarrassed that I was jamming out to “Dancing Queen” with a bunch of old ladies.  But, I was desperately bored and am sure I’ll be able to laugh about the experience later.  Welcome to the life of a stranger in the first few weeks of life in a small town in the middle-of-nowhere Nebraska.

Tags: boredom, chick flicks, humiliation, humor, male ego, movies, moving, pride, small-town life